are you willing to take the risk?

The decision to depart from my chosen path in life and to start all over again as a wannabe writer both broke my heart and healed it.

 

 

It broke my heart because my life was dedicated to the practice of medicine. Leaving medicine felt like a desertion. A defection. My patients panicked. What would they do now, they wondered. My colleagues steeled themselves to take on the extra work load. 

 

It wasn’t as though I simply got fed up with things, turned in my stethoscope and tongue blades, and slammed the door on my way out of the office. I agonized over the decision for three years...from the first rumblings of  discontent, to fierce vacillation, to growing conviction, to the ultimate proclamation, the day I cleared off my desk and said goodbye. I wasn’t impulsive about it at all.

 

No, what finally got to me was the subversion of the American health care system by self-proclaimed intermediaries who had neither knowledge of nor concern for patient care...

 

...that and the perpetually long hours that seemed to get longer as I got older. The fact that I’d been running behind schedule all day, every day for thirty years of my life with no chance I’d ever catch up. An oppositional defiant EMR system. A baffling coding and reimbursement system. The ever present threat of litigation. A pharmaceutical industry that invests as heavily in marketing as it does in research. A health insurance industry whose number one priority is corporate profit…not compassionate care. Aggravations that follow physicians through life like a swarm of angry bees.

 

 

 

It wasn't easy to step away, but I had to do it. I had to decide which path to take. One was familiar but I didn't like where it was taking me. The other one--the healing path--led off into the unknown.

 

 

 But, I had a book in my head that insisted on coming out. Several, in fact. So, writing became my compass. Uphill or down, through sunlight or shadow, I have chosen my path.

 

It's a good thing we get plenty of practice with life changing decisions over the years because, over time, we acquire a knack for discernment. To marry or not. To have a child or not. To start chemo or not. Will we follow our head or our heart? Will the way lead us to love? To happiness? To fulfillment? Or will it bring us heartbreak? Disappointment? Defeat?

 

www.counsellors-online.co.uk

 

Are you facing a major decision? Will it affect your future? Are you willing to take the risk?

*

www.my-youth-basketball-player.com

 

*

Frost warnings are up tonight. Can winter be far behind?

 

 

jan

 

 

revising vs polishing

The word "revision" is known to strike fear and loathing into the writer's heart. It sometimes means cutting out a beautifully written scene for no better reason than that it simply isn't necessary. Unless it advances the story or increases the conflict, we're told to get rid of it. That, of course, affects our word count so we have to replace it with something better.

www.writerlycommunity.azurewebsites.net



But, what if we've already done the best we can. Then what? It can be downright frustrating.

www.bcconsi.blogspot.com

Revision can be a slow, painful process.

 



I'm in the process of revising a non-fiction manuscript right now. In my first draft I said pretty much everything I wanted to say on the subject. The problem is that it isn't very well organized. There isn't a clear thread that connects the dots. So, a lot of what I'm doing involves rearranging paragraphs, even switching around entire chapters. I've been hard at work on it for weeks.



I keep reminding myself that once I finish this round of revisions, the fun part begins: polishing it!

There's a  big difference between revising and polishing a manuscript. By polishing I don't mean simply correcting grammar, spelling, and punctuation. I mean looking at it with an open mind--open to clearer images and crisper dialogue, to language and rhythm. It means looking for loftier ways to engage the reader, touch his heart, and kindle his emotions. It's the part of the process that is fun for me, one last fling with creativity and invention...

www.xchylerpublishing.com



...one last chance to get it right.

Which do you enjoy more: writing the first draft, revising it, or polishing it?

*

"Writing without revising

is the literary equivalent

of waltzing gaily out of the house

in your underwear."

~Patricia Fuller~

*

Mother nature is having a blast this year. Autumn has been spectacular. I wonder when she'll pack up her palette and paints and head south for the winter.

 

jan







how to unravel a knot one word at a time

"Just put one foot in front of the other," I tell myself. "Put one word after the other. Just write."

That's what it has been like for me lately, hobbling along but not making much progress on my WIP--a non-fiction book about faith. It's not a case of writer's block exactly. I know what I want to say. I'm just having trouble expressing what's in my heart. It's as though my thoughts on the subject are all knotted up.

When this kind of thing happens...and it happens a lot, it seems...I have a couple of strategies for unraveling things.

• I put the manuscript away for a while and come back to it later when I have a fresh perspective on it. But I already tried that and it didn't work this time. We spent a week away at the beach and I'm still stuck.



• I read. Inspiration often emerges out of the writings of my favorite authors. While on vacation I read two books on writing, "The True Secret of Writing" by Natalie Goldberg and "The Sound of Paper" by Julia Cameron.

          But, I'm still stuck.

• I walk. Often the knot loosens little by little as my mind wanders. This actually seemed to help this week. I made some progress. Of course, it didn't hurt that autumn has arrived in all its glory and the weather was perfect.

 

Again tomorrow I'll put one foot in front of the other...one word after the other. Maybe I'll just take another walk.

*

"I would rather sit on a pumpkin

and have it all to myself

than be crowded on a velvet cushion."

~Henry David Thoreau~

*

What I love most about autumn is that winter can't be far behind. What do you love about fall?

jan



how does a broken heart still beat?

This was the week of our off-season vacation on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Eight of us were there along with three dogs. One was missing. Mine.

Famke



I asked my vet to put her down last week. I won't burden you with the details except to say that it involved a couple of episodes of unexpected and seemingly unprovoked aggression.

 

Poor Zara, with sixteen staples in her ear.

 

Who knows why? My vet explained that a hormone imbalance, or even a brain tumor can cause unexpected aggression in normally docile dogs. She told me that Famke might respond to "behavioral therapy" with a specialist at U. Penn, or to a hefty dose of Prozac. But, I knew I needed to put her down. We have a grandchild on the way.

People might think that I acted too quickly, that it was a hasty decision on my part, a knee jerk response in the heat of the moment, a flash of irrational anger, but it wasn't. It was fear. When a dog as strong as Famke attacks there is nothing you can do to pull her away. Not all the strength you can summon, not your most desperate cries, nothing. And when the attack is unprovoked and unexpected you can only wonder what prompted it and when it will happen again...because you know in your heart that it will and you simply cannot take the chance.

I loved this dog. I loved her droopy face, the weight and warmth of her, her constant companionship. I spent mesmerizing hours petting her just to soothe my own aching soul.



A broken heart is not something you want to drag to the beach with you, but you can't just leave it behind.

So...it seemed fitting that the first couple of days dawned gray and gloomy. The wind gusted and the rain fell...

The waves rose up and the ocean roared...

 



...before it surrendered to sorrow, just like me.

 

Empty. Lonely. Longing.



 



 

 



Proof that broken hearts still beat.

jan



decisions, decisions

It's that time of year again. Next week we leave for a week on the Outer Banks for our off-season vacation--when the beach is relatively deserted and the water is still warm...

 

...a perfect for time to read, write, and dream. This week, in addition to packing my bags and closing up the house, I have to assemble a collection of books to enjoy while we're away.

 

I started my search on Amazon with my favorite authors (Elizabeth Berg, Ann Patchett, and Anne Lamott), checking to see if they had any new releases I might have missed.

 

Next I scanned through Amazon's "frequently bought together" and "customers also bought" lists.

 

The best sellers list. The New York Times best sellers list.

 

A list of Pulitzer Prize winners.

 

And a list of books recommended by friends, none of whom appreciate literary fiction or creative non-fiction like I do, so what good are they?

 

Next I went through my own bookshelves looking for books I bought but haven't gotten to yet and books I've read before and should really read again. (On Writing by Stephen King or Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott, for starters).

 









This gets complicated. All you have to go on is someone else's word, a brief overview, and luck. You have to decide ahead of time if you want something light and easy, something deep and meaningful, or funny, or scary, or exciting to read. Which is why I tend to haul so many books along with me on vacation, more than anyone could read in week--in a year, for that matter. Something for every mood.

 

Not only that, but vacation is the perfect time to write, during the long hours on the beach with only the sea gulls for distraction.



 



 

Will I make progress on my WIP, revise one of the manuscripts collecting dust in a file somewhere, or start something new? The possibilities are endless, exciting, intriguing.

 

Then, every day I have to decide whether to enjoy the water, walk in the sand, or nap.

 

Decisions, decisions! The only thing I am sure about is that vacation will be too short for any of this. Totally too short.

 

What do you like to read at the beach? Suggestions are welcomed.

*

"No man needs a vacation so much as

the man who has just had one."

~Elbert Hubbard~

*

Today it feels like fall. The wind has picked up, there's a chill in the air, and it's raining steadily. When we get back I'll be ready for the change of seasons, but not a moment sooner. And you?

jan





 



 

 

 

tricks of the trade

If you write and sometimes get stuck you may need to try a few tricks to get going again. Hopefully, you have one or two that work for you. Perhaps it involves time for day dreaming or mindless puttering. Maybe you long for solitude, time to meditate, or a respite from the daily grind. Or perhaps you work better when you are surrounded by the hum of human activity, or music, or the lapping of the waves on the shore. You should find out what works for you so you have something to do or somewhere to go to free up your creative energy.

I have five things that help me:

• A long walk, alone, with paper and pen in hand. Dialogue seems to appear from out of nowhere when I wander through a scene that needs work.

• A long drive--I mean seven or eight hours long--alone, in silence except for my thoughts. I have been known to write full chapters in my head along the PA Turnpike, or better yet, en route to New England or to vacation on the OBX.

• Music, depending on the scene. One story may need a little Motown, another might like drumming or chant, still another may open up to sacred or classical works.

www.southfloridaclassicalreview.com

• Comfort food. Coffee. Wine. Depending on my mood or my character's mood, my need for energy or self-indulgence, and my sweet-salty-crunchy-gooey cravings.



www.thehungrygypsy.com



• And, even though I have no control over it, weather affects my writing. I especially like a dank, gloomy day, a stormy day, or a snowy day...when I'm stuck here at home with my dogs.

 

What about you? What motivates you to write, or draw, or compose? What boosts your creative energy?

*

"A year from now,

you will wish you started today."

~Karen Lamb~

*

This is how I spent my weekend...

 



 

...welcoming a wonderful son-in-law into our family! Hope you had a great weekend, too.

jan





a labor of love

www.ad33.blogspot.com

I don't get it. Labor Day is observed every year on the first Monday of September as a tribute to the achievements and ethic of the great American worker. The holiday offers a well-deserved respite from the daily grind, a chance to kick back with friends and family, or to catch up on sleep if that's what you need. But let's face it...not everyone gets Labor Day off. Some people have to get up early and put in a full day's work as if the tribute wasn't meant for them. If you pump gas, or wait tables, or work in retail...chances are you won't have the day off. You'll be busier than ever because today everything is on sale. People need to gas up the car to get to the mall. They'll need to stop for lunch somewhere. Thank God for you!

If you're a fireman, a police officer, or a health care worker...chances are you'll have to go in today, too. If you work at an animal rescue, or a nursing home, or a homeless shelter you may need to be there because some things just can't wait until Tuesday. Trust me...your dedication doesn't go unnoticed or unappreciated. You should take a bow for serving mankind when you should be enjoying a day off, too.



www.ckclipart.wordpress.com

If you're a writer or an artist or a composer and you plan to stay home today...chances are good you'll be working, too. Revising a chapter or starting a new story, touching up a painting, or polishing up a melody. Why? Because that's what you love to do...and you have the whole day to enjoy it.
 

www.esoupblog.com

 

If you must work today--or you choose to work today--I hope yours is a labor of love. If it is, it won't feel like work at all.

*

"After love,

the most sacred gift you can give

is your labor."

~Donn Alan Pennebaker~

*

Happy Labor Day



 jan